He continues to charm us like crazy, giving smiles left and right. Last night he fell asleep swaddled in my arms, sucking on a pacifier while I rubbed his face. That’s all it took! I hope it continues because it was the sweetest moment ever and beats rocking and bouncing by a longshot.

He’s currently sleeping after a round of vaccinations. Poor baby. It was horrible. When a baby hardly ever cries, hearing him cry like that is horrendous. Charlie stayed calm and cool, thankfully. He was mostly interested in Miles’ band-aid characters.

Ten Highlights from Ten Years:
1) Sitting together on a log next to Lake Baikal while the sunset. Ya tibya lublu.
2) Who Wants to be a 21-year Old?
3) Being serenaded. Finding clues and unscrambling them. Becoming engaged.
4) Walking down the aisle with your tearful, loving gaze watching me.
5) Packing up our moving truck and driving to Seattle. The beginning of thoughtfully creating our own family traditions, dynamics and boundaries.
6) Paris. Aaaah, Paris.
7) Meeting Charlie and bringing him home, hugging and crying once we got inside our house.
8) Taking risks together, learning how to communicate in conflict, pursuing joy and play, and growing in trust of each other and the Lord.
9) Watching you play with Charlie. You are an astounding, amazing papa. Loving, playful, faithful.
10) Meeting Miles and enjoying his sweetness so deeply, knowing now how quickly it all does pass.

I love you, Harry.

When Miles is well fed and rested we have the most beautiful conversations. His smiles and giggles are so awesome.

He has continued to sleep horribly, but last night we got a (nearly) 3-hour stretch, so I’m hopeful that this may continue and he will improve sooner than later. Harry was with Miles and Charlie from 4-6am (at different times) so I feel better tonight than I have in a long time, but I’m still off to bed…

In the first few weeks after Miles’ birth, Charlie would confuse some of his newest vocabulary. Miles would spit up and Charlie would proclaim, “Miles is nursing, mama. He just nursed.” He has them all straight now, age-appropriate language errors and all, and loves to announce that “Miles spitted up.” Which the baby has done four times down my shirt in the past two days. We are a laundry factory. And I need to go put a load in.

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The house is eerily quiet. I decided to hire Tory to come over this morning and take Charlie to the playground. At this point, such an outing is something I could probably manage, but I’m also really tired and still recovering so I try to still all the ridiculous voices inside my head that tell me I shouldn’t spend money on this or am somehow abandoning my child by giving us both this freedom. This is a constant challenge for most moms that I know. How much time away from your kids is “acceptable” and when does taking time for ourselves cross a line to mean we’re selfish.

Anyways, instead of napping while Miles naps, putting away the huge pile of laundry at my feet, doing dishes or making a meal, I walked to Macrina and bought a coffee. I called my best friend on the walk back. And even though my littlest boy is still resting I have decided to write instead of work or sleep. First of all, the coffee makes sleep difficult and tastes really good. Secondly, writing sounds restful to me. So, here you are reading my stream of consciousness post. But Miles just began pooping in his sleep, so I imagine this time will be short lived.

The boy can poop and pee. Charlie probably sprayed a total of five times during diaper changes in his life. Miles pees almost every time he’s exposed to open air. He adores being naked. His whole body relaxes and he lets it all go. I’m getting quite good at catching all his pees in a wash cloth. Good for the environment, you know. And when I miss, I can still laugh about it, unless it’s 2am. Then I might not laugh but that’s mostly because I’m changing diapers in a half comatose state and might not even notice that he peed on me until I get back in bed and realize my clothes are all wet and it’s not from lactating, which can be the other source of wet surprises sometimes.

Our first outing with Miles was to the midwife office to address some of my concerns with my recovery and he happened to have an enormous poop that came up his back and front and down his legs. It surrounded his still-healing umbilical cord site which you’re reminded to keep clean and dry to prevent infection by just about every nurse and pamphlet prior to leaving the hospital. We had rushed to the office because they were technically closed and the midwife on-call was fitting us in while one of her patient’s was pushing. Thinking we had a well-packed diaper bag from the day prior’s trip to the pediatrician, we grabbed it and ran out the door. So, we were surprised to find not a single diaper nor wipe to help us with Miles’ poopsplosion. All we had was an extra outfit for Miles and one of Charlie’s pull-ups. The poop was discovered prior to the midwife’s arrival and when Miles started rooting and fussing, even though I was in a gown and covered by a sheet ready to be examined, I decided to nurse him in case she took a long time. So, in she walks while I’m holding a five day old baby covered in his own poop with yellow poop stains on my gown and sheet. Thank goodness she was a midwife and a mom, too. She hooked us up with lots of wash cloths, I cut apart Charlie’s pull-up to cover Miles for the trip home (who managed to pee all over the office floor and Harry’s leg before we cleaned up the mess and got him dressed & “diapered” again), and we were out the door with a clean baby within an hour.

That event showed Harry and I how much we’ve grown as parents and as a team these past three years. It would’ve really thrown us for a loop with Charlie, but with Miles we were able to work together, laugh at the continued string of problems, and find solutions, as silly as they may be.

While this post didn’t start out to be a a Mother’s Day post, I will let it journey there given the timing. Reflecting on my first week going solo with the boys reminds me how experiencing a “successful” motherhood is due greatly to community. For me, successful means enjoying my role the majority of the time, growing through the parts that make me crazy and fearful, connecting with and encouraging my children in play and emotional/spiritual/physical development, and providing a healthy household routine and nurturing food…and probably a few other key issues I can’t pinpoint at the moment because I should be sleeping. This week my community made the difference. Harry cheered me on from work and provided the extra morning and evening boost we all needed. Friends brought over meals, as well as conversation and playmates, to make the days not so long and my list of demands shorter. Despite not having a job, Tory ended up kindly giving us her time as a baby present and even vacuumed our house. I also got calls and emails from friends checking in on me which greatly brightened my days.

So, this mother’s day I applaud all the people out there who support moms. You make an enormous difference in the well-being of an entire household through your kindness and generosity. Without my support team, this mom would’ve probably cussed at her three year old during one of his horrible yelling tantrums and fed our family the same meal for breakfast, lunch and dinner this week. Instead, you brought me perspective, joy, and a step closer to sanity. Thank you.

On a totally random note, I am a 33 year old mom to 3-year old and 3-week old boys who is celebrating her third mother’s day with the three men in her life. Shall I celebrate with three cakes?

Happy Mother’s Day

I end with a picture of our growing baby. At his ten day appointment he was already 9lbs, 5 oz. If he has kept us his ounce a day weight gain, he’s reaching 10lbs now. I imagine it’s the case. Chub chub is coming! :)

Our to-do list is slowly getting smaller.  What we have completed in the past three months makes my head spin a bit.  I’m going to do some self-indulgent reflecting on all of these tasks for a minute: house ready for market, maintaining cleanliness & neatness for showings, Harry interviewing, lining up movers, packing our stuff-including sorting, donating, shredding, etc…, celebrating holidays and birthdays, moving, finding a rental, unpacking, finding midwives & doctors and going to appointments, registering our car, getting driver’s licenses, surviving all of us being sick, finding a dentist, finding a preschool, Charlie’s third birthday, dealing with a water back-up in the basement and no washing machine for a week, dealing with a broken dryer for nearly two weeks,  getting insurance quotes, trying to find someone to cover our vacant home, and probably a zillion other things I’ve forgotten because half of my brain is somewhere near the interstate in Utah.  Plus, just regular life stuff like laundry, cooking, playing with and nurturing Charlie, and getting groceries.  And Harry adjusting to a new job.  Oh yeah, and I’m 33 weeks pregnant and feeling rather large.  Please know that I’m aware how whiney that all could sound.  While it has been exhausting,  I know our problems and task lists are luxurious and that most people would love to trade us for their own.  I’m just wanting to record this so that I’m reminded of how well cared for we’ve been during such a full period of life.  It is not a complaint, although admittedly I have entered that zone many times during the past few months.

The harder times have been well balanced with lots of beautiful, fun, and exciting times, like enjoying conversation and meals with friends, exploring our new neighborhood in our old city, savoring delicious coffee and baked goods, relishing being back at our church, and soaking in the most beautiful February week Seattle has ever known.  (I don’t know if that’s really true, but it has been phenomenal.)  What I have learned these past three months is to rely more deeply on God’s provision.  He provided for us in amazing ways by getting us here so quickly and ultimately with perfect timing (although we couldn’t see this at the time).  Our friends and church here have taken such good care of us- helping us with everything from providing places to sleep, meals, unpacking, playdates, to sanding and priming tables for goodness sake!

On one of the beautiful days this week Charlie and I took his bike out for a spin.  Since we were out of beans we stopped at Macrina for me to grab some java.  Charlie entered and Ellen, who is probably his favorite worker there (and she admits to having a crush on Charlie), happily greeted him and commented on his cool helmet.  He proudly displayed it for her and proceeded to tell her that his bike is cool too and that he’d like a treat.  He is really comfortable in stores now and loves to order his own items, with or without his parents’ permission.  Thankfully, the workers usually confirm with us.  After Macrina and some playground time we biked back home, only to see backhoes and dumptrucks down the street.  Charlie and I ended up sitting on someone’s stairs for nearly a half hour so he could watch.  Near the end of our stay he started playing his sippy cup like a guitar and called it his milk guitar.  He cheerfully made up a song, played air guitar and watched the backhoe.  The sun was shining, an enormous cherry tree was within my view, the Olympics were also within sight and all was perfect.  Well, except for the fresh, wet bird poop that was on the stairs right next to us, tempting Charlie to finger paint.

After having read a summary of the book, engaging in conversations with many friends about it, and wanting to read it for months, I FINALLY have “Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child” in my hands!!!  I am so excited.  I feel like this could be one of the most important books Harry and I read as parents because implementing Gottman’s ideas into our parenting might be the most emotionally formative choice we make.  I am already slightly familiar with some of his principles from my graduate school training, particularly the counseling course, and have tried to acknowledge and validate Charlie’s emotions, so I’m thankful that I don’t feel like I’m being repeatedly hit over the head with all of the ways I’ve parented poorly.  But, geez, it’s humbling.  It is such a balance to keep their emotions in mind, respect their needs and desires, and still get out the door in time for appointments.  Maybe this is why we were late to our first visit to the new pediatrician.  Yes, it was that I favored emotional well-being over promptness, that’s it!

After doing research on pediatric dentists and discovering that those recommended by friends here or ranked high on the websites I viewed were not in our plan, I called a random dentist office today and asked about his pediatric experience.  His receptionist actually said, “Well, he’s getting better.  [I'm silent in disbelief and she continues]   He has a four year old now and he seems to be more understanding.”  Clearly, not someone I’m going to send him to, especially after reading the Gottman book 12 hours prior!  I get off the phone, talk with Aaron about our completed coffee tables (I am *so* excited to have these sanded & primed, ready for our fun new paint colors!), and he recommended their dentist.  In our plan, scheduled perfectly, and with a view of Puget Sound!  At least one of us will enjoy that part.  And I can reward Charlie with a trip to the beach after his dental visits.

Lastly, I have been thinking a lot about America’s food industry.  I watched a few more clips (one was a Katie Couric interview with Dr. Kessler and Eric Schlosser, another was a TED.org lecture with Jamie Oliver, and the last was a Michael Pollan lecture available on hulu.com) and engaged in conversation with Angie about Eating Animals, a book she’s reading.  I am becoming increasingly convinced that our food choices are not only important for our health and for the environment, but for the well-being of our neighbors…mostly our poor, third-world, developing country neighbors who are at the mercy of our choices.  Taking the steps to live more sustainably and responsibly are not easy.  They require giving up convenience (boxed cereal in the morning or stovetop oatmeal? mac & cheese for kids or a prepared lunch?), weaning ourselves off the sugar and salt we’re accustomed to in processed foods, and learning to find entertainment and pleasure outside of eating out at restaurants that serve questionable food (which is most of the affordable ones).  We’re going to take a few more small steps…starting with getting rid of cereal and macaroni and cheese.  We’re going to regularly have stovetop oatmeal and alternate with granola.  I’m going to try to make some homemade mac & cheeses and see if Charlie takes to any of them, but if not, he’ll slowly forget about his love for the boxed wonder.  And we’ll all be healthier because of it.

Alright, I’m not editing this, so my apologies for errors.  I’m tired but I want to post.  Good night!