You are five today, Charlie. Sometimes when you tell stories you start out by saying, “You know, Papa, when I was a little boy,” and then you describe this fantasy, parallel world where all these amazing things happened when you were a little boy, things that happened many years ago in a world I know nothing about, but one that I’m absolutely sure exists because you make it sound so real and you tell it so convincingly.
And I laugh and say, “When was this? Oh, when you were a little boy, huh?” And you assure me every time that these things actually happened.
One thing I can say for certain is that I’ve loved being in this world with you while you were still my little boy. In this world I still get to pick you up and give you hugs and kisses. We pray together at night while we snuggle. You still giggle a lot, you wear costumes well, and you love being a big brother, even though sometimes you don’t. You love to build, construct, and paint, and I love watching you do these things. You tell me that I crack you up.
You have such a beautiful soul. You’re still so new to this world that we both share and there are times when I’m frightened about what it might do to you. And at the same time I’m so excited that you will be set free one day to help this world become a better place. Your presence has already brightened the days of your family. Perhaps you will bring this world some of the lessons you learned in that world when you were a little boy and we will all be better for it.
And welcome! This will be the first Loveoirs post of the last year of Earth’s existence, or the first Loveoirs post in Earth’s glorious new dawning, or it will be just another New Year’s Loveoirs post, like all the rest, but better. In any case we’d love to see the planet undergo a geomagnetic reversal because it just sounds cool. Happy New Year!
If you remember our post from last year, it was marked by super elation because Miles was born and super stress because we had moved across the U.S., started new jobs, started preschool, and didn’t sleep much. This year was much more stable for us. Can we get an amen? How about a word up?
We’re not sure when sleep sanity finally returned to our household, but 2011 was much better in this regard. We had at least twenty or so nights of no wakeups, that is, nights when both boys slept through the whole night. Of course, those were interspersed with 345 nights of illness, bad dreams, accidents, and crying for the hell of it (Harry and Kathleen, not the boys), but we appreciated the sleep nights immensely and look forward to maybe forty or so this year.
In April we moved from our paper walled Queen Anne ice box to a lovely rental house near Green Lake. It has one story (thank goodness, no more children tumbling down the stairs). We have a backyard with trees, great light, and lots of room for flowers, vegetables, and little bulldozers. During the warmer months, the boys practically lived in the backyard. We enjoy having friends over, walking and jogging around the lake, going for coffee at Zoka, and donuts at Mighty-O. Our neighbors have been very welcoming. In short, it feels like a place we could stay for a long time and this has been the biggest and most positive change for us.
Harry worked from home the whole year. That was amazing and hard and amazing and great and hard for all of us, for all of the reasons you might expect. He started work later in the day, ended earlier, and spent flexible time with the family. Knowing now that this works for us, it would be hard to go back to a full time job with a commute and all of the little extra bits that come with working for someone else. Of course, there were many times we wished we had the security of a full-time job and its benefits, but working a flexible job, having the family together, and being free to call the shots have made it worth every penny we might have given up.
Kathleen journeyed from pure survival mode to moments of thriving in her roles this year. She has regained most of her sense of taste and some of her sense of smell, which has helped dramatically with increased desire to pursue some of her passions, like cooking and gardening. And with a toddler in diapers, it’s not the worst thing in the world to not be able to smell well. She has felt luxuriously spoiled with our recently acquired gym membership at the YMCA that has childcare the boys love and allows her to exercise during the day however she’d like. Swimming has been incredibly cathartic and totally worth dealing with the colorful experiences of a gym locker room. Kathleen remains torn about whether or not she’ll return to a typical speech-pathology role somewhere, but is thankful daily for a degree that has helped her tremendously with parenting.
Charlie turned four this year and started his second year of preschool, this time at the Seattle Children’s Theater. He’s loved it so far and it really plays to some of his strengths. He’s riding a bike now and has gone around Green Lake a few times (~3 miles or ~4.8 km). He loves and despises his brother depending on the day and the activity, but they’re really great pals.
Miles started walking and talking this year and has become quite rambunctious. In the fall the boys invented a game of dropping themselves over the back of the couch onto little play furniture and sometimes just onto the floor. Miles enjoys this as much as Charlie. He tries out new words and phrases just about every day. He follows his brother around like a puppy sometimes. He’s totally charming and he knows it. And given his current size, we’re pretty sure our food budget is going to eclipse our college savings in ten years.
So, 2011 was great for us. We’re happy, getting healthier, getting wiser, and getting more sleep. We hope the start of the new year finds you well. As is our tradition, we’ve included some of our favorites below. Enjoy!
Favorite Books
Kathleen: Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese was the most heart-wrenching, gory and beautiful story I’ve read in a long time. I almost stopped reading after the twins’ birth story, had to take a several day break, and returned to start at a different chapter before going back to it, but I’m glad I regained my composure and read every word. Half way through I didn’t want to do anything but read. And the ending. I loved the ending.
I’m also very pleased to be a new owner of a Cook’s Illustrated Cookbook. As I grow in my knowledge of cooking and baking, I’m longing for the scientific understanding of why certain things work and others don’t. I am also thrilled to have 2,000 recipes that have been tested so thoroughly! With this book in hand and a new skillet, I had the confidence to try pan-searing scallops that were served with browned lemon butter and butternut squash ravioli. Yum.
Kathleen: I have really enjoyed Bon Iver, Fleet Foxes, Iron and Wine, and The Autumn Film this year. Not just new stuff, but the albums that I keep returning to because they speak to my soul. I have also loved the precious few minutes that I’ve had to play piano all by myself. Granted, I’m half-watching the boys to make sure the dissonant, non-piano noises I’m hearing aren’t resulting in either of their serious harm, but it’s happening. Sometimes I even get through an entire song.
Harry: You can listen to my favorites below. This past year the themes were nostalgia, introspection, and the reinvented 1980s, except for the last song in the list, in which one group traveled to the year 2025 and returned with its dystopian hip hop. My favorite was “Beth/Rest” by Bon Iver.
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Charlie: “Crocodile Dock. Huey Lewis & the News. U2. The fireflies song. And 5-4-3-2-1 Blast Off.”
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Miles: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. He sings this a lot.
Favorite Movies/Shows
Kathleen: My only steps into a theater were for a viewing of 50/50 with Angie. I absolutely loved it. I laughed so hard that I cried, cried so hard that I was snotty and doing the ugly cry. I looked hideous at the movie’s end, but it was worth it. Had I been at home without reservation, I would’ve blown through an entire box of tissues. At home I enjoyed The Trip, Kings of Pastry, Outsourced, The Secret of Kells, Exit Through the Gift Shop and Pressure Cooker. Next year I will certainly tell you how I loved The King’s Speech and other grand movies that came out because they will finally be on Netflix streaming!
I loved watching season 1 of The Cosby Show. I will also admit to watching every episode of every season of thirtysomething. Both shows make so much sense now as a married parent of two.
Miles: When he thinks he has a chance at watching a show (which is extremely rare), he requests “Elmo” (referring to anything from Sesame Street) or Thomas the Tank Engine.
Favorite Games
Kathleen: The games that make my heart melt usually don’t involve me. They’re the games resulting in the best giggles I’ve ever heard. Recently, Miles and Charlie spent at least ten minutes running around the house laughing like crazy while they took turns dragging a sheet and pulling on it. At Thanksgiving all those under ten laughed hysterically at Harry’s silliness. The games I love to instigate are based on whatever’s going on at the moment that can be made fun. Sometimes it’s when one of the boys makes a weird noise and we all keep trying to make it. Other times it’s me dancing in the kitchen with a colander on my head while I feed them a meal.
Harry: Being silly with Charlie and Miles. Whatever we’re doing, there’s always an alternate, ridiculous way of doing it that makes them laugh. They’re also big fans of my “going down the elevator behind the kitchen counter” sight gag (thanks, Mike Myers). I also enjoyed Glitch, Real Racing, and Machinarium.
Kathleen: There is too much to share here, so I’m going to pick the first five that come to mind. Fasten your seat belt, I’m about to bullet:
1) Harry and I choosing to fix up this rental has provided unexpected fun for our marriage, often while we’re covered in paint or dirt. Being in a free-standing home for the first time since our immaculate and basically brand new Colorado home led to some unexpected shock and grief for me because this place was far from clean and pristine. I was inspired by Harry’s encouragement and our subsequent devotion to make our shelter a place of beauty, however we could. If the carpet has to be stained and teal, let the walls be clean. If the grass has to stay put and be moss-filled, let the weeds be pulled and eventually replaced with vegetables and flowers and mulch. Bit by bit, it becomes more lovely and life-giving. It was hard at first to think about pouring so much time and energy into a rental, but it makes sense why it’s been such a gift to us to do so. It is our home.
2) Charlie learning to ride his bike without pedals made me tear up because I know what a huge mental feat it was for him (much more so than the physical challenge). He had taken a few falls, was scared and wanted to give up. When Harry and I told him how many times we fell and that we still sometimes fall, and let him know that he had to decide to tell his body that it was worth a few bumps and bruises, he decided to go for it and the look on his face was amazing.
3) Miles learned to walk this year. And talk. And run. And throw balls. And build train tracks. The joy Miles expresses with any new experience is so contagious I always end up smiling with him.
4) A very tall, lanky, tattered homeless man wearing a feathered hat walked to the front of our church sanctuary during a morning service with a big bunch of flowers and a toilet plunger in hand. The flowers looked like he picked them out of people’s gardens on his way in: loose, mismatching, and hand-picked. Everyone was standing and singing, Harry and I were in the balcony and could see him walk up to the front stage and lay everything down, retrieving the plunger from the midst of the flowers and putting it in his back pocket. He then sat awkwardly and raised his arms to worship, seemingly singing a different song because his mouth wasn’t moving to the same rhythms. A very well-kept older woman left her pew unnoticed but returned to the stage with a large pitcher of water. She leaned in towards the man, I assume to ask him permission, and put the flowers in the water. I completely lost it, overwhelmed by the love of that moment.
5) So many simple things from nature: sprouting seeds, pulled weeds, turtles on the logs at Green Lake, flavor grenade pluots and other divine stone fruit, changing leaves, harbor seals, sea stars, waves…
Harry: I have loved watching our boys grow into playmates. It’s taken them a long time and only recently did they start playing really well together, but for the most part they enjoy each other’s company. They giggle a lot together. They hug goodnight. It’s amazing watching two beings who came from my DNA ask to embrace each other without prompting.
I’m fascinated by Charlie’s paintings: the subjects he chooses, how he depicts them, his use of color and size, the whole bit.
Miles has a fantastic smile and sense of humor. If you need cheering up in 2012, we rent him out at $26/hour, up from $19 last year. Still a great bargain!
I’m inspired by Kathleen’s love of cooking and her blossoming as a chef. I’ve reached the point where I prefer her food to just about anything, save the hoity-toity places we go on special occasions. And even with some of those places, I prefer her meals. I tag along just so we can say hoity-toity once in a while.
Charlie: “I remember you [Papa] blowing the biggest bubble. And we went to the beach. I remember moving into our new house. It has more space than our old house.”
Miles: “This doesn’t count as beautiful, per se, but I was moved by the zeal of the Occupy Wall Street demonstrators, regardless of their tactics or effectiveness.” [Miles is a realist.]
Best Surprise
Kathleen: We enjoyed a pretty incredible year, including moving back to our favorite neighborhood (close to our first home). It was also filled with lots of high-quality family time, my brother getting a job based out of a Seattle that led to many great experiences together and the beginning of us really knowing each other as friends, loads of fun play dates, evenings with dear friends and bellyaching laughter, a few lovely getaways and the amazing day-to-day pleasure of having Harry work from home. But my heart jumped the highest when my dear friend Kristine, our Siberia teammate and first Seattle friend, called to let us know that her family’s return to Seattle was finally happening. And it beat fastest when two dear friends went into labor early, one with twins. Thankfully, all the teeny-tiny babies are thriving.
Harry: I really enjoyed having Dave, Kathleen’s brother, stay with us for a couple weeks after his duties on his ship were finished. I think all of us had a great time. We shared lots of great talk, drinks, and meals, including a dream night at Canlis for Dave, Kathleen, and me on my birthday.
Charlie: “I remember trying to cheer up girls at the gym that we went to today. I really like the little bug that I got for Christmas. One of my favorite things about Uncle Dave visiting is that I was sleeping and then I woke up and I saw Uncle Dave sleeping there right in front of my eyes!”
Miles: “Hi.”
Favorite Websites
Kathleen: All of last year’s sites still remain favorites, but I add Ashley Rodriguez’s Not Without Salt to the mix. This is now my go-to blog for very unhealthy but delicious desserts or anything chocolate related. (Try her chocolate chip cookie recipe. I dare you.) I can’t wait to make more of her recipes since those I’ve made have all been incredible. I also really love Ashley’s photography and writing. If you haven’t figured it out by now, if I’m not on email or Facebook, I pretty much spend my online time reading food blogs or watching food related shows.
Harry: I read the misnamed Hacker News on a daily basis. Glitch is filled with good, creative quirk. Netflix for shows.
Kathleen: It’s pretty hilarious that any time we talk about the Seattle Children’s Theatre (which is very frequent because it’s where Charlie attends preschool), Miles says “monorail!” This sometimes refers to the monorail, but usually refers to the Space Needle, which remains strongly mislabeled despite months of proper modeling. He also says monorail to anybody who talks to him on the phone. I think he’s figured out how cute it is and is getting a lot of mileage from it. I also love that he used to say “dakuum” all the time (for vacuum, which referred to anything with a motor and wheels). He wanted us to make Tinkertoy vacuums and he’d drive them, fly them or vacuum with them. Lastly, I love that he answers yes with a strong, quick “heh” and yells “ai ai ai” when he’s mad about something.
Harry: What’s not to like? His word for yes is “huh” with a big nod of the head. He tries hard to say basketball because he received a small hoop for Christmas. His best friend is a little stuffed animal called Tiger and he often says, “Tiger, where ARE you?” in a kind of sing-song voice. When he’s giving you something he says “he go” (Here you go), also in a high-pitched, sing-song voice. His typical greeting to someone new is to say “monowaya” (monorail). But I have no idea why he chooses that as a greeting over, say, “coffee” or “backyard” or “hi” or something less arbitrary.
Charlie: “Here are some of his faces that I think are funny [Charlie now shows us some of his funny faces]. My favorite face to make Miles laugh is this.”
Miles: “Monorail.”
Favorite Toy
Kathleen: Our camera’s new lens is quickly becoming a favorite! I also probably love my new immersion blender/mini food processor more than one should love an appliance.
Harry: I bought an iPad for my business. In its spare time iPad likes to double as a music recording studio, a game machine, a movie theater, a magazine and book container, and several other nouns.
Kathleen: I have a huge stack of books waiting for me at the downtown library, mostly about education, learning and child development. Reading these will be my primary focus during my free time for the next few months as we contemplate what Charlie will do for kindergarten. I have signed up for an indoor sprint triathlon in April and plan on doing an outdoor one in late summer. This means I will be exercising much more regularly than I do now or I will be immobile in early April. I plan on becoming a better gardener, cook, baker and photographer. With lots of help I will grow in grace, patience and my ability to savor the moment instead of worry about the future or pursue perfection. And I will take at least one really big risk that scares me silly and makes me rely on my faith. I am really hoping to not move homes this year. Or the next, for that matter.
Charlie: “It does make me really excited if we would go to the Pacific Science Center and I could use the digger. And we could go and see those crazy bugs that we have now that run around on the track.”
Miles: “raf.” [Giraffe]
That’s a Wrap
Finally, here are some of our favorite pictures from 2011.
I’ve had some good success lately with trying my hand at creating dishes, or substituting a lot in other people’s recipes, essentially creating my own version. It feels so amazing to be in a cooking and baking groove after my year+ of very limited taste and 18-months of sleep-deprivation, very busy days, and lots of change for our family. I can taste everything now, I think. I have my confidence back and am now conquering my lifelong fear of experimentation. Only a type A perfectionist would write that, right? What cook fears failure?! Well, this one does, but I’m working on it. (Oh my gosh, I just referred to myself as a cook! That feels really weird, but I’m leaving it.)
I’m probably going to post more about food here, mostly so that I can remember what I’ve made. If any of you enjoy these recipes, then all the more fantastic! I’m terrible about tracking the details of changes I’ve made to recipes, leading me to disappointment like when I recently made a pumpkin bread for a mom’s group because I remembered it being so delicious. I knew the amount of cloves seemed like too much, but I second-guessed myself and put them all in. Too strong. I have a feeling I also subbed apple sauce for some of the sugar, but didn’t do it this round. Lots of women ate only a few bites and left the rest on their plates. Lesson learned. Write notes on the recipes, lady!
These are a few recipes requested by friends or family:
Dana Treat’s savory muffin . My changes included using half whole wheat pastry flour and half all-purpose. I also left out the peppers, but only because I couldn’t find a jar I knew I had. (They’ve since been found, tucked in the back of my lazy susan, off the shelf. I imagine a two foot monkey had something to do with this.) These were absolutely delicious and very comforting warm out of the oven on a rainy, fall day. Charlie and Miles both ate them quite happily. I imagine fresh, young kale would work well as a substitute for the spinach, too.
Molly’s salted peanut butter cookies. What’s really funny is that I made these even though I had no pb in the house. We do have a plethora of almond butter, though, and Harry & I wanted cookies desperately. I’d wanted to make these for awhile, so I dove in with my almond butter. I also subbed whole wheat pastry flour and dark chocolate. These were divine. I froze most of them, as she recommends, and served them out of the oven for the next three days to everyone who entered our home. I will not make these again for awhile because my waistline would grow too much, but oh my goodness, they are my favorite cookie ever now. And I don’t know that I’d return to peanut butter, even though I imagine that’s also super delicious. I think I’m just an almond butter kind of girl.
I bought some harisssa from market spice at the Pike Place Market and mixed a few teaspoons in with sauteed vegetables, later adding coconut milk and cooking some couscous in the pan with it all. Good enough to feel pleased and rewarded for taking the risk. It needed some crunch and I’m undecided as to what would’ve been perfect for it. Maybe toasted pine nuts? Still not sure. I need more recipes for this spice to help me get a feel for good pairings.
Tonight I made a pureed soup from a winter squash I roasted. I bought the squash slightly impulsively at the last Queen Anne Farmer’s Market from Local Roots, my favorite local vegetable farm. (They’re Angie’s favorite and basically any farmer that’s her favorite is my favorite because she’s always right about these things! The woman knows food.) I knew I wanted squash, but I overheard Jason talking to someone about how delicious this particular variety was and I took it, 15lbs and all. I thought I remembered him saying it was a kobucha, so I roasted it with that in mind, but after pulling it out and tasting it, I was totally disappointed. I expected sweet and this was nothing of the sort. A few bites later, with expectations in check, and I knew it wouldn’t be served with butter to the boys but would be fine for breads or soups. It was definitely more like a pumpkin flavor. A green, bumpy pumpkin that will nearly kill you when you try to prep it for roasting. (Anyone know what it is?) So, tonight I sauteed some leeks and garlic and then added sage & rosemary roasted onions (leftover from roasted veggies I made Friday) and about 4-6 cups of the squash. Tossed in some cumin, added vegetable broth and simmered 20-30 minutes. I pureed it all in the blender. Rich, soothing, creamy…wow. It tasted like it had cream in it but the only fat was olive oil. This recipe wasn’t at all planned, so I had nothing to combine it with, but a biscuit, cornbread or whole grain loaf would’ve been lovely. And a salad with fresh, local apples. Perfect. Anyways, I was really pleased with this throw together. It made me think all my reading and cooking from this blog is paying off. I can finally cook with whatever is in my fridge and not end up choking it down or donating to city compost!
Lastly, thanks to an amazing night of shared thali at Poppy, which included the best carrots I’ve ever had (from Local Roots, of course!), and NYC French chef Eric Ripert’s show, “Avec Eric”, my latest obsession, I cooked up some honey/butter glazed carrots last night. Miles put them in his mouth, made a funny face and spit most out. Charlie ate them. Harry & I really ate them. That is the way to eat carrots, my friends.
Now, I have a lot of dishes to clean and food to put away. So, in the spirit of my new best French friend, “santé”. Cook from life!
I think he’s showing the early stages of a love for the stage, just like his papa. There was nothing but a smile on his face and over the top participation for his last day of preschool performance. Bravo, Charlie!
Harry and I have been married a long, long, long, long, loooooooooooong time. (If you’ve heard Charlie use that phrase, definitely overlay his voice there.) Almost six million minutes. When we married, I was a meer 23 years old. I was blissfully unaware that my body would ever obtain wrinkles, baby belly flab, or the effects of chronic sleep deprivation. Most importantly, I was incredibly naive about just how much would be required of me as a wife. If I wanted to remain a loving one, that is. Don’t let that sentence paint Harry as a patriarchical figure in our home. He is a fabulous husband and dad who eagerly contributes his part and more, often with joy. Rather, I am referring to the constant necessity that I swallow my pride and be willing to see that I might not be right about everything. Most things, sure, but not everything. (Did you just sigh, Harry?) I have needed to learn over and over again that Harry perceives, experiences, and pursues things very differently from me and that we can make our pursuits work together. If I’m willing to do my part and he’s willing to do his.
For me, the hardest lesson of the past few years has been that I must state what I need and want. Out loud. Not in small hints or gestures. It’s ridiculous that this is so challenging, if you think about it. Babies and kids have no difficulty requesting. In fact, they spout out a desire almost every second! I don’t know if it’s cultural, typical gender differences, or a bit of both, but I believe there is a strong tendency for women in our culture to expect that men should know what they want and what they need and then to grow bitter when the men don’t fulfill those unstated desires and requests. It’s certainly not helped by movies, all those princes rescuing princesses without the princesses stating how they’d like it to happen. (“Please, dear prince, don’t bring me a glass slipper. They’re horribly uncomfortable. I’d like some leather flats!”) A incredibly inspiring friend wrote two awesome posts lately about women’s power and selfishness and I think she’s spot-on with regards to these issues. So, I am in the simultaneously arduous and exciting process of learning to better value, identify and assert my human-sized power and needs. And to believe that this is the best thing I can do for our marriage, my boys and our family.
These are the knitty-gritty details of marriage, right? Working things out together so that we can all thrive as individuals and as a whole. Trusting that if the other’s needs are more important at that moment, yours will be met eventually, too. Believing that it’s alright to stand up for your own, even if the other has to sacrifice. (Like yesterday evening when I was truly face first on our carpet after feeding the boys dinner, and decided I’d better ask Harry to put Miles to sleep so that I could eat and feel better. Clearly, that’s an extreme example, but martyrdom doesn’t help anyone and it can be very hard for me to see when I’m acting that way.)
So, dear Love, thank you for being the person who allows me to work these things out and loves me enough to honor my needs and requests, seeing that this journey is valuable for us all. Thank you for doing your own personal work to make our marriage better. Thank you for loving me when I am anything but loveable. Thank you for treasuring my wrinkles, soft belly, and mushy, forgetful brain and truly seeing me as beautiful no matter how awful I may feel or how many days it’s been since I last showered. Thank you for encouraging me as a mom, particularly when I feel completely deflated in my abilities to love and raise these boys well.
Here’s to at least 20 million more minutes together! And I’m so thrilled that these ones will enjoy the fruits of our labor in learning to communicate better. I’m so thankful we just keep getting better and better. Let’s find some nicely aged red wine to celebrate. And pair it with a few Fran’s. Tomorrow?
